This article is NOT about “Success Mantra” or “Tips for Success” or any such kind of traditional article.
This article includes the real-life experiences from my own surrounding and I am sure that most of you will able to relate it to your experiences as well.
So, first let me ask you some questions,
How do you come to this conclusion that this particular event or circumstance is whether your SUCCESS or your FAILURE?
Do you get any certificate from anywhere for this or is there any machine/ application which measures your SUCCESS and FAILURE?
“None of these”, right?
We never think that why are we sad or disheartened when we FAIL. We just regret for failure, blame our circumstances, and then accept it as our Destiny. But this eventually makes us a Negative person.
“Is this really my Failure”- we never ask this question to ourselves.
Who sets the goal of OUR life?
Practically, we are the one who defines the parameters of OUR success and failure. We ideally set SMART (Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Realistic, Timely) goals for ourselves and once we reach those targets, then we consider it as our SUCCESS. This is the IDEAL approach.
But do we define these parameters by observing just OUR lives ONLY?
NO never! We always do it related to OTHERS!
We get INFLUENCED by other’s lives and lose our own focus and goal parameters. Here influences are not in positive term, it generates the feeling of dissatisfaction, anxiety, low self-confidence, disheartened, dismayed, etc.
Where are we going WRONG?
We are the main culprit who makes our lives more distressful. Yes, you read it right! We always change our definition for CONTENTMENT, based on the events happening in OTHER’S life.
COMPARE, PRETEND and SHOW-OFF- these common mistakes we do while analyzing our achievements. Let’s understand these in detail with some examples:
We always COMPARE our outcome or result with others and then interpret whether it’s our SUCCESS or FAILURE.
For example: Let’s suppose, when Mr. A got good job opportunity (huge salary hike, onsite, best employer, etc.), Mr. B started thinking that “Mr. A is SUCCESSFUL, and I am a FAILURE”.
But before Mr. A had got this opportunity, Mr. B used to think himself to be successful as compare to Mr. C, who is still in same organization for last so many years with no salary hike and no onsite opportunity.
Here Mr. B used to define his success & failure as compared to others.
We PRETEND to be like others whom we consider as successful and follow their footsteps ‘blindly’. Here blindly means, we don’t take other factors into consideration, while analyzing other’s life, which may not be same as ours.
For example: Mr. P has learned some new technical skill which is very latest and has much demand in market, and started his own Business, which eventually made him grow in career.
So Mr. Q who himself is working on very latest technology and has niche skills, thought to leave his high-profile job and become a businessman just like Mr. P.
But he forgets to think about other factors associated with ‘business’ such as risk, investment, resources, loses, etc.
There is a phrase in Hindi - "Kawa chala hans ki chaal aur apni chaal bhool gaya.” (A crow tried to copy swan’s style, but forgot his own)
A person, who copies others, forgets one's own identity and becomes ludicrous.
We SHOW-OFF our success to others, which can be Success for some but not for all. But we forget to think from our perspective, whether it’s my success or not.
For example: Mr. X has purchased a land and constructed a 3-storey building. This made
Mr. Y to be in race and somehow after earning and saving day and night, he too was able to purchase a land, but he constructed a 5-storey building (taller than Mr. X). But after few years, a builder purchased a land just in front of Mr. Y’s land and constructed 25-storey building.
So, in-front of 25-storey building, 5 storey building view got blocked and Mr. Y has left with no charm in his house.
Do you think that constructing a 5-storey building was a goal of Mr. Y? No, he just wanted to show-off Mr. X and others, which made him deviate from his actual goal in life.
Define your Goal, based on your Life-scale
It’s your life and you know it better than anyone else. Don’t let others to take control of your goal setting. Consider yourself to be successful, based on the scale that you have defined for your life. Be it your career, profession, relationship, hobby, passion, lifestyle, etc., everything should give you satisfaction when you achieve your goal
You can define your life-scale on below categories:
Personal and intellectual development
Financial security and well-being
Professional growth and achievements
Relationship with parents, siblings, relatives, spouse, friends etc.
Recreational activities which fulfills your hobby, passion, leisure time etc.
Measure these categories on the scale of 0-5:
5- Extremely Satisfied
4- Satisfied- but need to work more on this
3- Neutral- need to put extra effort to get moved towards success
2- Dissatisfied- need to make some changes in path
1-Extremely Dissatisfied- need to choose some other way to restart
Try to find answers for below questions:
You can do some SWOT analysis to understand about yourself.
(To understand more about SWOT analysis, please click on link above)
What do you want to be in life?
What will make you happy?
What will make you feel content?
What do you want to achieve in life, with respect to wealth, fame, role, relation, etc.?
Which path do you think is better for you to achieve your goal?
Do you feel satisfied once you achieve your short-term or long-term goals? If no, then find the proper reason for it and make changes in your planning.
"Live your life in your OWN way and NOT for others! Do not try to DEFEAT others, life is not a race! Understand, define, and achieve your real SUCCESS in life."
And remember,
"There is nothing called ‘FAILURE’ in life. When you don’t get Success in something, that is not your Failure, it adds value to your EXPERIENCE!"